Momma Hen

Not such a Wordless Wednesday

January 27th, 2010 by Jen Hen under The Busy Life. 1 Comment.

What a week! Monday was not friendly to me. Everything I planned last week, fell apart as soon as Monday hit. The kids and I woke up late so we rushed out the door. I got X-man to school on time, but with not a minute to spare. I dropper Lil’ C off at daycare, and ran about five minutes late getting to the computer lab on campus where I work part time. Two hours into sitting there I got a call from daycare saying that Lil’ C had a rash that had started on his wrist but spread to his belly, face, and back. I called Lil’ C’s father, but he was at work in Mayfield, a good thirty minute drive. Dear Husband was home but with strep throat, and just the cargo van. No carseat, and no real seat in the cargo van for putting a toddler even if he had a carseat. So once the 10:30 girl arrived at the lab, I told her I was going to have to leave to take care of the kiddo. Add in there X-man woke up with a sore throat, so I called the Dr.’s office and got an order of antibiotics for X-man (DH had just been diagnosed with strep on Sunday), and set up an appointment for Lil’ C.  The research project for class got postponed until next week, even though I hate to put things off.

4pm rolls around and I take Lil’ C to the doc, where we sit for 45 minutes before even being called back. Fortunately there were so many other kids there the wait was “fun” for Lil’ C, and once we did go back it didn’t take long for the doctor to come in. Unfortunately, she didn’t know what was wrong or what was causing his rash aside from a possible allergic reaction to something we were all unaware of. So an hour and fifteen minutes later we left with instructions to give him over the counter medication every four hours until the rash was gone. It was gone the next morning. He’s my mystery child with mystery issues. It drives me crazy.

The past couple of days have been punching me while I’m down. I’m not really sure what the funk is that I’m in, but if I think about it, I realize I get into this funk during the same months every year. It’s always between January and February and I get all down and out and indecisive about my direction in life. Essentially I’m back to my usual internal debate about college. This is the VERY LAST semester/chance I have to change my degree.

I find that I have an interest in 10 different potential degree programs, but can’t seem to commit to one or the other. I’ve started listing the pros and cons of each option, in hopes that I can start crossing things off to narrow down my list of possibilities. We’ll see how far that takes me. I have a passion for Social Work and I completely agree with the NASW Code of Ethics. I’m just not sure that I have the emotional ability of dealing with the career. As I was discussing this with a friend who knows me very well this afternoon, he understood what I meant by it. I get so incredibly wound up and upset at the prejudices, misconceptions, and stigmas that are associated with the field, even just a word or two. Regardless of whether I get the degree or not, I’m going to have some of those same emotions. The difference in getting the degree and not getting it, is the difference of whether it’s something I have to face and deal with on a highly regular basis, or only on occasion. My friend B. basically he said he wasn’t even certain if that kind of weight was something I should deal with daily. Not to mention the potential frustration in just dealing with certain populations. Perhaps this is all part of a self-realization process. Perhaps it’s all part of analyzing myself and where I need to put my focus. I’m just not sure. I really don’t like uncertainty.

I told my DH last night that I’m just kind of at that point where I want to stop everything I have going on. I want to quit and regroup and figure out what it is I am supposed to be doing. I told friend B. that I’d appreciate it if someone could plug into my computer’s motherboard (my brain) and enter the command prompts to tell me what I should be doing. ha.

Tomorrow’s “Thursday Thirteen” will most likely be composed of a list of things that I have been looking at as possible directions/degrees/options.

In a more positive note: last night’s “Sister night” with my sis, “Auntie E,” was a wonderfully relaxing pajama party spent curled up on my bed watching “The Biggest Loser” while DH and X-man did an “archaeological dig” with a Christmas present my dad gave X-man. E and I enjoyed lounging around and running our commentary on the program, and they chipped pebbles away to find dinosaur bones. It was the kind of relaxing evening I had been hoping for. I’m so glad that my sister and I can have those evenings and that DH and X-man enjoy doing projects together. They even cleaned up after themselves (mostly… but I’ll ignore the pebbles they missed because in their defense, they chipped off one at a time and there was no way to be neat about it so anything they missed was pretty well hidden).

I’m just ready to take it easy for a while. I’m ready for this summer and spending a few weeks in Florida with DH, X-man, and a few great friends we’ll get to see.