It’s the Winter Time Blues (or a late Momma Monday)
February 16th, 2010 by Jen Hen under Momma Monday. No Comments.
Well, I’ve been slacking. It’s just that time of the year. The winter is not friendly to me (or probably a large portion of the general population). There’s a nasty little pattern that hits me. Some refer to it as the winter time blues. Some refer to it as seasonal depression. Eh… it’s just a funk. It’s dreary, cold, dark and damp outside. The sun rarely makes an appearance, and we stay inside trying to stay warm. Meanwhile, we’re running on low supply of Vitamin D that we absorb from sunlight during the Spring, Summer, and Fall when we can participate in outdoor activities during our free time (without coming in feeling like an icicle).
About 8 years ago I went to a therapist after some none-to-pleasant issues. During my countless hours with that therapist, and then several hours with a psychiatrist, they deducted that I was very possibly bipolar. After a couple of years of toying around with different medications that were meant to help get me “balanced,” that did nothing more than numb me to emotions in general or make me feel even more out of wack, I decided it was time for me to focus 100% on finding my “triggers” and doing it medication free. There were situations surrounding me, and people surrounding me, that seemed to contribute to the emotional rollercoaster. I began a journey of “getting acquainted” with myself, and distancing myself from the previously mentioned surroundings and people.
Eight years later, 6 years medication free, I’m in a much better spot emotionally than I have ever been. I’m able to recognize when something isn’t going to work out for me, I’ve learned to avoid certain elements of life (stress factors), and I still know when talk therapy is probably in the best interests of my sanity and that of the ones I love. Not to say I don’t have some mood swings, and not to say that I don’t have my days where I’d just prefer to hide in my room, under the covers, and away from the world. Because I do. I most certainly do. But it’s not nearly to the level or for the extended periods of time it once was.
I believe environment effects people more than they realize, unless they stay attuned to such things. I still find myself in spots that make me uncomfortable, but some of those are unavoidable for normal human function as a productive member of society. I still find myself trying to balance myself out between personal life, social life, work and school. But don’t we all? Everyone has a balancing act…. some people are just better equipped than others. I still need a spotter on the mat below my high wire, and very possibly, may always need that spotter.
I’ve been told that I come across as confident, letting nothing bother me, by people who don’t know me as well. It’s flattering to hear, but I won’t hesitate to let them know it’s only a misconception. I don’t internalize things to the degree I once did. I write as my therapy and I have been doing so for the last decade. But I am still very much uncertain of myself in many respects. Where am I headed professionally, who am I “growing up” to become, and what is my general purpose in the bigger picture of life?
Just last night I read about a psychological study that argues that venting can actually compound a persons emotions. I think the key word is “can.” What’s counterproductive for one person, can be productive for another. Venting helps me. More often than not, if I’m fuming or a complete emotional wreck, I can sit down and write (or type, depending on how I feel) and by the time I get it all out I feel better.
So… the point? I’m writing. I’m writing right now because I’m feeling a bit off balance and a little out of wack. The winter blues have gotten me down a couple of times this season. What’s awesome? Having a husband, and some incredible friends, who listen to my pity parties, know when to be gently firm in pointing out where I’m thinking wrong, know when to just listen, and know when to just step back and let me have my moment alone.
I’m a believer in the positive effects of therapy and medications (even though medicine never really worked for me). Sometimes you don’t have to go long term, sometimes you just need a couple of visits with an “outsider” to get a different perspective on the things you’re dealing with in life. I’m a firm disbeliever in the stereotypes that people get attacked with for going to therapy. Don’t worry about what other people say about you if you go. It’s not a sign of weakness. It’s not a sign of instability. You don’t earn the title of “psychotic” or “crazy” just because you have been to a therapist. Quite the opposite really (and this isn’t just my biased opinion, it’s commonly psychologist’s professional opinion)… it’s a sign of strength and self awareness when you are willing to acknowledge that you need a bit of a push in the right direction.
If you think you might need some help finding a therapist and taking those first steps, (as cornball as I’m sounding right now), find someone you trust to talk to who you believe would help you in finding the professional resources available.
As for me… well, I think I may make a phone call for an hour visit with an acquaintance. It’s just that time of the season again.
Just a side note, if you are interested in finding out about the symptoms of depression, you can check out this website from WebMD. It’s in no way a substitute for a professional opinion, but it’s something to reference.
